Question that many people out there ask themselves not once, but every now and then, considering quitting habit, effort or job. In some cases it is easier to assess and decide, in others not, and in some cases the answer is easy, but there are obstacles to proceed with the exit.
We need to consider the context first. What is the reason behind thoughts about quitting? What triggered it? That is, before we even get to the point of risk analysis. Sometimes we are driven by emotions, sometimes it’s a rational argument, but very often we don’t even know why did we come to such conclusion.
In case of habits, obviously quitting depends on the type of habit we want to drop. If it’s a so called bad habit, we likely see the damage it does, and regardless of how hard it will be to quit it, there’s reasoning behind it, and benefits we clearly see at the end of the tunnel. If it’s a good habit, then it is likely that we reached the point in time, where we feel weak, or unable to continue effort, or simply mentally struggle to justify keeping it, while it is just easier to fall back into something less demanding, probably even bad for us, but easier.
Job quitting thoughts, are also a complicated beasts, but again the context is important here, before we even take any action. Is it because we burned out? Is it the atmosphere, or just the toxic culture? Or is everything fine, we are comfortable and doing well, but something is missing, and we don’t feel like continuing? There are probably so many reasons why we think about leaving work, that a full book, or even saga of books could be written about it (and probably is already).
Why did I touch on this? I promised to be honest here, and this is a genuine blog, so I won’t be colouring it. I reached mental state, where my heart, and mind, no longer feel aligned with what I do. Not that it’s wrong. The culture is good, it’s a very inclusive environment, and there are people of different experience, and expertise, and mentality, who make this place a good place to work, definitely. I was never harassed in any way, nor any misdemeanor happened on either side. The work I do is important, and I am certainly in a privileged position, in comparison to millions of people out there, even in IT space. There’s something missing though. I was researching burnout, many times, from a psychological perspective, and while I might have hit something similar to that before, probably even twice in my career, this one is slightly different. Not sure if I matured enough to see through different lenses, which I am yet to understand what they mean, but I feel detached from what I do, enough to consider pastures new.
There are couple of reasons that come to my mind, when I think – why?
As some of you know, as it stands in 2023, I’m past four decades of existence, and that made me rethink many priorities. Also last year, the house move after ten years of living in one place, was enough of a big change, to consider it a good start of a new chapter, of adding more big changes along the way, and this blog and podcast became one. Routine building, sharing knowledge, establishing medium to speak up to wider audience, and to ensure that some people will be encouraged by this effort, while I have accountability and lead new souls towards a better life.
These are key reasons to start with.
What is the next chapter for me to work on? I don’t know yet. I didn’t quit my current job, and as I said before, I am carefully analysing where to focus my attention, to start and build something new, or to influence next startup, project, company, like I did with the one that I joined nine years ago.
My son is watching me. I’ve put so much of my heart to ensure he has access to me, and my attention, in his early years, and now I need to show him that he can do better in life. That I can do better than me, and so enable him, to get better in future. To be a better person, a little better every day, and by changing ourselves, influence others, and leave this world a better place, when his time comes to an end.
…but for now, I need a drive, and motivation, and purpose in something new.
While I have ideas, and picture of what I might want to do soon, it is still blurry and I need to focus on making it sharp, and clear, and follow the path, regardless how much pain, failures, and obstacles await ahead.
Blunt Force Healing 